One Step Forward, Five Steps Back ...

So I've been a little frustrated over the last month to say the least ... It all started almost a month ago on the 24th of August when my car got broken into one morning while I was at work and Josh's brand new $1500 guitar got stolen out of my car. It still hasn't been found ...

Then two days later I was getting ready for my trip to Michigan that I was pretty excited about because it'd been 6 months or so since I'd been up there, and I was doing laundry and getting ready to go. I went out to change out the load of laundry, and as the story goes that I've told about 50,000 times now ... I stepped on the edge of the step going out into my garage, and its not really a step and its not attached so when I did that it flipped up and rolled my foot and ankle off, sending me to the ground like a sack of shit (thank you Josh) and messing my ankle up pretty good ... 3 weeks after I finally got a correct diagnosis of torn ligaments and a compression fracture and now I've got a pretty hot pink cast plastered to my foot.

So not only was I frustrated about the guitar being stolen (and less so my car being broken into) but I was now pretty disabled. Yes I know it's not permanent but it's a huge adjustment for someone who would pretty much never ask for help (I would load up Josh's truck with all the garbage and take it to the dumpster myself before I'd ask him to do it and I moved the couch out of my old house all by myself) ... to being able to do pretty much nothing BUT ask for help. I've been an independent person my whole life and I've pretty much NEVER been able to NOT do things for myself. It sucks, I hate it. Especially not being able to do stuff as simple as - walk from one side of the house to the other, drive myself to work, carry my own purse, get my own meal, etc.

Not only that, but I've been trying for almost a year to shed some weight and get myself in a little bit better shape. 60 unsuccessful days of P90X, even more days than that of walking/running ... then I was really looking forward to taking dance class with Josh to spend time together and maybe that would also help me get in shape. Now I can't even walk right. So no dancing, no running, no walking ... no exercise for me anytime soon .... so I either need to suck it up and get over wanting to lose weight any time soon or severely change my diet. Which, I know, shouldn't be that hard .... but its pretty hard when the person I live with doesn't understand why I'd want to lose the flavor of the 73/27 ground beef for a much leaner 96/4 ground beef. Or why I cringe at Hamburger Helper Stroganoff ... It's hard to eat healthy when your partner doesn't eat healthy. Especially when you're on a budget and can't afford to buy a fatty and non fatty version of everything. Don't get me wrong ... LOVE LOVE LOVE him, he's taking SUPER AWESOME care of me. We just don't see eye to eye in the kitchen and that's not helping me lose any weight when that's pretty much the ONLY way I'd be able to lose any weight right now.

Another area which I've fallen back on is drinking ... a little woe is me drinking action puts the beer belly back on in a hurry. Ugh. And I feel like I'm back at square one because I can hardly control it. If there's a drink around, I take it.

Also, its a little exhausting to carry yourself around by your arms like a baboon. Not to mention how awesome the hard rubber of the crutch handles that you push down on as you do it feels and makes you feel like the muscles and tendons in your hands are going to snap.

Not looking for sympathy ... I know my life could be SO much worse. Its just frustrating to get so many slaps back in progress, be so helpless and have the light at the end of that tunnel seem to be so far away ... Just venting mostly.

I do take suggestions however. I might not follow them but I will take them. LOL. Love you all. Thanks for being great friends.

Proud of me

Gig night, only drank 2 drinks all night the rest was waters and diet cokes.

Tomorrow will be a bigger test... 2 bachelorette parties... Eeeeeeeeeee

Josh Peek Band on The Austin City Limits Music Festival Sound and the Jury Contest

Visit Josh Peek Band's artist profile for the Sound and the Jury Contest. Send your vote to help them play Austin City Limits Music Festival 2009, hear their music and check out more on the contest at DellLounge.com.

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Progressing along...

Hey kids,

Time for another update. Haven't gotten a lot of exercise in other than a few walks, however I've consistently had 8 glasses of water a day, less then 3-4 drinks when drinking (and none of them beer for the most part) and watching my calorie/fat/carb intake. I've been able to keep at 1200 calories most days. Some days I falter, but I'm still learning what fills me up and what is just empty calories. Today I caved a little and had some pizza, but still didn't end up too bad, about 1500 calories. I haven't weighed myself but I know my work pants aren't cutting off the circulation to my stomach so I know some progress is being made ...

I slept in today - went to bed at 1am after finishing my paper and slept in til 11am - YEAH BABY!! Felt so good. Hopefully that'll help me catch up on sleep. Now I have 2 weeks off of school. It felt really nice to wake up this morning and have NOTHING to do. We watched movies all day. How great.

One other change I made is I'm off birth control this month. Seeing if the hormones in it had anything to do with my inability to shed pounds. Not looking forward to my period though at the end of the month .. UGH.

That's all for now, early bed time because I gotta be up early for work.


It's a learning process ...

I'm learning that it's a learning process ... eating well, not more than I need, smaller portions, etc. One thing I'm finding out is that I need to learn what fills me up. From tracking what I eat - cals, fat, carbs, etc and also knowing my reactions, I've found there are quite a few things I eat that don't satisfy my hunger, therefore I eat more. But if I'd have eaten something that would satisfy my hunger then I wouldn't have had to eat again. So I need to keep track of how my stomach feels too after I eat that way I can eat smarter and know what will fill me up and what won't. I'm also eating smaller portions - instead of eating a "serving" as indicated by the nutritional guide, I'll eat a half a serving. Getting smarter I am!!

With the money thing, I did have a weak moment this weekend and bought a purse and some girly stuff in Boerne today. I felt really guilty after having guilted Josh out of Subway on Saturday to save money, but I know he buys his fishing stuff, and I have spent way more on bar tabs than I did on this purse and stuff. However, we spent WAY less this weekend eating at home, not eating out, not drinking excessively. Just imagine what we can do once we continue to do that!

Another baby step - for money and for tummy

Another success .... Josh wanted to stop at Subway on the way home. I told him I just spent $220 on groceries. We came home to eat. :)

Very proud ... baby steps

12:45 AM Posted by Lisa 0 comments
I'm very proud of myself. It was a gig night, the gig was in Luckenbach. Luckenbach has GREAT fries, burgers, etc. Tempting, but not good. So I made me some food before I left so I wouldn't be hungry. I also took my water bottle with 32 oz of water.

As I watched everyone else eat the "good" (because it looks good, not necessarily good for you) food, and was even offered a free meal ticket, I declined. I finished up my water. Throughout the night I snacked on a low cal snack I brought and I had 2 beers. That was it.

Afterwards, it was a Denny's visit. Although I declined because I didn't want us to waste money, Josh's cousin said he owed us money. I really didn't want to go because of the temptation to get eggs, bacon, sausage, etc. But I went ... and I got a garden salad. :) YAY ME.

I feel pretty good about my self control tonight, so now I'm going to self control my ass to bed since it's 3am. Just wanted to share. Good night all.

I am feeling pretty good today darn it ... :) My pants didn't feel like they were cutting off the circulation to my body and that's ALWAYS a good thing. Although I went to the grocery store and spent over $200 .. EEE!!! But I got lots of good stuff so we stop eating (and drinking) out. Trying to save our money and our waistlines.

Work is eh ... still haven't heard on that job and it's slow so Kate & my commission check is not looking good.

Went with Josh to the Buckin Chute last night which was fun other than it was very smoky. Although some lady was really trying to get her thang on shakin her tatas in front of Josh while he played -

Another revelation ... and yes this should have been obvious

Here is my other revelation, and yes this one should have been obvious. I'm not going to get ahead financially by playing russian roulette with my bank and losing. I don't have credit cards, because I've gotten into debt spending what I don't have and now I'm doing the same with my checking account. I spend 14% of my income last month on bank fees or overdraft fees. That's ridiculous. No more ... I didn't realize until I started budgeting and really tracking. There's no way my bank should get one RED CENT from me - let alone 14% of my income. That's insane. I'm going to keep tracking well, if I don't have it, it won't be spent. I'm not going to "hope" that things don't hit the account before I get paid. This is all stupid, I know, but that's how I was doing it. Just another way of spending what you don't have - which is what I got myself in trouble for with credit cards.

We could really use some groceries right now ... however I don't get paid til tomorrow, so we will make due with the few things we have. I'd like to live the life I want someday - get married, have kids, buy a house, get Josh a truck he can actually use - and none of that is going to happen pissing my money away.

Things they are a changin ...

I found myself in a very stressful place a few days ago ... yeah mostly brought on my PMS but other things too. I have this weird thing about me where I always must have too much to do. I get bored if I don't. But sometimes it catches up with me, as it has recently. Work has been crazy busy ... the last couple of months have left us pretty short handed and busier than ever. This means I work the floor helping customers but still am responsible for my back office duties. This meant long hours. On top of that, still going to school and trying to stay on track with that and not get behind on my assignments. Then I try to spend as much time with Josh as possible, and hit all the gigs since I sell the merch and I enjoy listening to the band and Josh play. Oh yeah did I forget to mention that I've also been trying to get in shape, and it seems the more I try, the worse it gets? So as Mom put it, I had a "quarter life" break down the other night ... I was overwhelmed because I want to do it all and as much as I try, I can't. But most importantly I wasn't feeling good about myself because I want to get in shape, and I think you particulary feel any extra "padding" you might have when it's continuously 105 degrees outside. Oh and my clothes are so tight it makes it hard to breathe too. So I hit a tipping point when my PMS-y emotions started to take over me. I talked to Mom for about an hour that night and came to some revelations ...
  • Drinking sucks. I mean, I love it, but its so much money and I can blow a day's worth of calorie intake in one drink session - SCARY. No need for excessive drinking ... drains my wallet, my health and fitness efforts, and drains those around me LOL. I waste money on that instead of spending it on things or saving for things that I really truly want in life. If I'm going to drink I'm going to do it at home, where I don't pay $3-7 dollars a glass.
  • Mom told me "a bachelors degree is good, but what good is it without someone to share it with?" Encouraging me to take a short time off of school (just a few weeks) to allow myself to get things together, and most importantly spend time with Josh. Next class will be August 25th for me.
  • As much as I like my time to myself when I work out, that's not the only way to exercise. I can do it with Josh and that allows to spend time together too. Taking walks and dance lessons ... ooh baby here we come.
  • I CAN have the self control to drink more water, eat right and the right portions, and drink less ... the "good feelings" I get from eating junky food or lots of food or drinking a lot don't compare to as good as I feel fitting in my clothes ...
So those are my revelations for now, thought I would share them with the world because I'm serious and I want everyone to hold me accountable and to respect my decisions and not try to sway me with greasy food or shots. I appreciate and respect your friendship. :) Thanks friends for your support and encouragement - those who have already. Love you all!!

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